Sunday, October 26, 2014

Mostly, I Just Feel Lucky

A conversation between me and a fellow musician at our symphony rehearsal Saturday morning:

 (Me) "Good morning."

(Her) "Hello, how are you?"

"I'm great!"

"You're always great, that's why God gave you all the hard stuff, he knew you could handle it."

"It's not hard if it's what you love."

She paused for a split second and said, "True."

And so it is, to many my life appears difficult. Maybe it is. I spend my days cleaning up vomit, changing diapers, carrying a seven year old everywhere I go, tube feeding, managing seizures, etc, etc, etc. But somehow those things bring me such joy. I even cheer when Elisabeth messes her diaper. I praise her and say, "What a good girl you are to do your poopoo's! You make mama so happy!" And when I'm carrying her in my arms - as much as my muscles might ache - I whisper into her ear that I would carry her across the world if I had to. And I would.

I admit, there are times when it feels hard (we shall never forget the pool incident of 2013), but mostly, I just feel lucky. My greatest joy comes in serving Elisabeth, in knowing that I can make her life comfortable and create a constant feeling of love and safety around her. And when I focus on that, I don't see it as a hardship, but a blessing.

It's all about finding joy in the journey.

 photo 996a0b2f-afee-4b8f-a0f5-6ef0856cddc9_zps77ef014a.jpg
[Elisabeth Elva, a rare moment where she found the balance to sit upright. This picture really shows how severe her scoliosis has gotten - you'll notice her spine curved all the way over toward the right side of her body.]

Find joy in the journey.
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